Writing Days

Finding just the right words to express myself lately I’ve found to be excruciatingly difficult. At times it is like water flowing freely from my fingers onto the computer keys. This week it’s been more akin to having super-glued all of my fingers to each other and punching the keys with my toes.

The book that I’m writing is so far along, and now I’m feeling stuck. I have sooo much information written on lunging, and still it feels so devoid. Like there is a neverending sea of information I want to make available to those reading it. At the same time I am trying desperately to stay within my May 1st deadline of being finished with the rough draft.

A part of myself says to cut short the information I put in and save it for a second book, or for articles, clinics, etc. That doesn’t feel like the honest part of me though. It feels like the plotting and scheming of someone who is out for money motivation than really getting the information into print. It was with my mom’s prodding that I set the May 1st deadline for a rough draft, and she was right (and greatly appreciated) for speaking up.

In the end though I think my sticky fingers are because I feel guilty when I am writing, that I am not out working with the horses. Yet when I am working with them I feel guilty for not writing. I don’t want to neglect them in any way, but am finding it difficult to juggle both while still giving lessons, working at the spa and all of the other ‘things’ that seem to come up every day.

And it is good to vent at times too, though too much and it just turns into complaining. So to end it this evening I think I will write out 5 acknowledgments and 5 gratitudes for today.

I am grateful for insight my mom has helped give me, which allowed me to stay positive when interacting with people today when I felt an overall negative energy all around.
I am grateful that my alarm clock went off an hour late this morning, giving me an extra hour of sleep that I desperately needed.
I am grateful for my arms, who gave me no complaints today on my first day back at the spa after a two week break to heal my tendonitis.
I am grateful for such a wonderful student and friend, Lisa, who has been with me through many ups and downs and has allowed me to be there for her during her ups and downs.
I am grateful that I get to see my niece for the next couple of days while she visits.

I acknowledge myself for having stayed positive through some negative comments and personalities today even when it would have been just as easy to become negative myself.
I acknowledge  myself for having taken the initiative to talk to the vet about a clients’ horse.
I acknowledge myself for being open and honest in my conversations today.
I acknowledge myself for respecting my own physical limits and deciding to go to bed early rather than work horses late.
I acknowledge myself for stepping out and helping as much as I could around the house and farm in the small amount of time I had free today.