Progress

… is not measurable in a chart or graph. I see it in myself, and I see it in my horses. We all grow and change to our own pattern and rhythm. I could not predict where I am today, even yesterday. Should I concern myself with predictions? Perhaps living in the moment is the best, at least for now, that is what keeps me centered.

As I work with my horses, I see that when I have tried to force a certain order of learning or understanding on them, I lose. I do not even come close to my desire, rather I am taken further and further away by my own demands. On the other hand, as I give up any attempts at control, and simply “go with the flow”, I am taken where I need to go.

In working with O Man today, I discovered a little more of that. As he fussed in the cross-ties, anxious about being in by himself, and distracted by the horses whinnying at the other end of the arena, I gave up my attempts at control and simply went where I felt I was being taken. So, I walked him about the arena. Gave up my desire to have him stand quietly in the cross-ties. We walked with purpose, and I asked for him to keep a bend in my direction, otherwise we simply flowed. Before I knew it, he was offering me shoulder-in on the halter. He turned willingly towards me, and gave a perfectly balanced turn on the haunches when I asked him to move away from me. He relaxed. We flowed. He checked out the new mirrors (did I forget to mention we have new mirrors in the arena now?!), we walked back to the cross-ties. He was improved. Not perfect, improved. I, was happy.

As I look at Ceylon, I see the product of losing my need, or want, for control. I struggled for a long time, wanting to have control of her, this wild untamed beast. I struggled and she struggled with me. She taught me a valuable lesson. A lesson that although I knew it in my mind, I had not taken it to heart. You cannot fight with someone who does not fight back. She fought me because I fought back. When I gave up fighting and went with her in the moments of frustration, fear, anxiety, panic.. I was also able to go with her in the moments of understanding, calm, confidence and happiness. Now looking at this perfectly well behaved mare, who looks forward to my affection, I am pleased to say she is my proudest training accomplishment. Not so much because I have “trained” her, but because of what I have learned thanks to her.

It doesn’t matter to me, what others think of my riding or training. In the end, it only matters what my horses think.